News from Lisa
Growing through Conflict
It was much pleasanter at home, when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits.
- Alice, Alice in Wonderland
Yesterday, as I watched our middle school girls (three 6th graders and eight 7th graders) perform the one-act play Alice in Wonderland for the Private Schools Interscholastic Association competition, I was reminded of the importance of roles in relationships. Roles can be explicit—as they are in a play—but are often far less clear and far more dynamic—as they are in daily life. Theater is a powerful way for students to deliberately take on a role and see how that feels while also knowing that it is possible to step out of it when the production is over. That is not so with most of the roles we play in our real-life drama. Often we find ourselves in roles and situations that we feel powerless to control and that lead to conflict—internally, as we struggle with the emotions it evokes, and externally, as we attempt to work through (or not) the issues. Most of us, it seems, could use some help dealing with conflict.
Enter stage left: a school philosophy regarding conflict.
Building upon the strong foundation developed in the lower school, we aim to create an emotional intelligence/ conflict resolution program for the middle school. As we started down this path, we realized that working with the students alone would not be very effective, and that all of the adults—teachers and parents—must share the same philosophy and language. In other words, healthy conflict resolution skills must be a shared value. To that end, we have developed the following statement of philosophy, which we shared with GSA parents at the recent parent coffees.
Conflict Resolution at The Girls' School (draft)
Our goal is to build a culture of respect and healthy conflict resolution through student, parent, and teacher education and practice.
In order to achieve this goal, the GSA community will...
- understand that conflict naturally arises as part of life and is an opportunity for growth.
- communicate directly and respectfully with others.
- each take responsibility for their contribution to the situation and for its resolution.
All schools — all communities — have conflicts, some more than others. It is not our goal to avoid conflict (as if that were actually possible) but rather to embrace it as a way to grow into more complete people—because we know that this growth will last a lifetime.
One of the most valuable skills we can provide our girls with is the ability to handle conflict well. An articulate, confident girl knows that she has the tools to deal with the challenges that lie ahead—and as most of us who have ever had to work with other people know, most of the challenges (and rewards) that lie ahead have to do with our relationships with other people.
We will be developing the middle school conflict resolution program this spring and will incorporate some of the elements you are already familiar with—such as the Ranch Romp retreat and advisory—and add to it some of the elements we have been experimenting with this year such as service and leadership opportunities, a conflict resolution retreat, and an ethics course. We will also add a parent education program to supplement the work the faculty is already doing in this area.
And finally, congratulations to the Alice in Wonderland cast, Ms. Ramberg, and the parents who assisted with costumes and props for an excellent performance (and some excellent casting!). Alice in Wonderland is a particularly good fit for middleschool students, who must often feel as Alice did:
I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But, if I am not the same, the next question is, "Who in the world am I?" Ah, that is the great puzzle.
Lisa K. Schmitt
Head of School
(02/09)